"Thank God you're up you need to leave right now, my wife is on her way back, hurry up!" His words hadn't fully registered yet so I slowly raised the covers and slid off the bed. That was when the obvious discovery hit me, I was naked and my clothes were no where around the vicinity of the seemingly luxurious room I apparently just slept in. Then the last 2 minutes played back in my head; Wife. Home. Leave. And me butt naked? Fuck, I just slept with a married man whose name I couldn't even remember!
The naked man was now pacing around the room and picking up under-wears, condom wrappers and empty wine bottles, he stopped and looked over at me in my semi-confused state and screamed "Are you deaf?! you need to get the hell out of my house, my wife is the fucking anti-Christ" he raised his hands to the roof like he was asking God to attest to the evil that is his wife. I had to find my clothes, shoes and purse, and get the hell out of here like i was ordered. Wherever "here" was anyway. "Where Are my clothes?" I asked groggily. He looked around the room like he was trying to picture where It was then he replied "Downstairs, they're in the living room downstairs" I dashed downstairs and found my clothes scattered everywhere, I picked up the pieces in a rush and started the get dressed, I picked up my purse and checked if the contents were still intact. Still trying to figure my bearings I looked around the posh living room, pictures of the naked man and his wife were plastered everywhere. Though he was clothed in these pictures, i couldn't shake off the mental image of his nakedness, his wife looked pretty, nothing like the devil he painted her to be. I still couldn't understand why I couldn't remember his name though.
The naked man came running downstairs, his limp phallus dangling between his laps as he took each step. This man's unperturbed nakedness was starting to upset my insides. Was he nudist? or did he not just care? "Ah! there you are sitting like the queen of England, she's already at the gate, you have to go out through the back, come on, up! up! up!" He motioned for me to get up and follow him as he led the way towards the kitchen. He was fidgety with every step and i figured he had either not done this before or his wife is just the terror he described her to be. As I stood up I realised one heel of my 6" inch heels had broken off, I gave a low curse as I heard him call out at me again to follow him.
I followed closely behind, then I heard a door from a distance end of the room open, "Honey, I'm home, my flight landed early" I heard a sweet voice from the living room. The naked man just walked ahead of me swearing like a pirate as he pushed me out of the back door. "Take the front I'll hold her Inside till I'm sure you're gone" He pushed some squeezed naira notes he had previously been holding, in my hands and closed the door on me. I walked towards the front gate of the house still taking note of my bearings and surroundings, the house looked really luxurious. I approached the foot gate and pulled at it, but it wouldn't budge, I realised it was locked. "Fuck" I swore out loud. The fence seemed low enough but there was no leverage to climb with. I threw my shoes and purse across the fence, raised my gown above my knee and jumped to grab the top of the fence. After squirming and struggling for about 2 minutes without leverage but still holding on to the fence, i finally got to the top of the fence. Luckily there were no barb wires or broken bottles as a security on the fence like the average Nigerian house. I motioned my way to jump down the other side of the fence, then piercing through the silence of the morning, I hear the sweet female voice again much aggravated than sweet this time though "Heyy you what do you think you are doing?" Without thinking I flipped down over the fence, picked my belongings I had thrown over the fence and started running. I didn't look back, somewhere at the back of my mind I could hear the woman screaming loudly I wasn't sure if it was my the fear in my mind playing tricks on my sanity or if she was actually screaming that loud from the house. I saw the estate gate in sight and ran towards it, I could still hear a voice screaming and cursing out. The street was empty as it was still quite early in the morning and the estate looked like the kind where you don't see anybody in the day talk less of around 6:00 in the morning, so nobody seemed to notice me running for my life.
I rushed outside the estate gate and flagged down the first cab I saw. "U.I" I told the cab man panting. Just as i was getting into the cab, I saw her, running toward me, eyes fiery like a dragon, spitting fire and brimstone with every step. I couldn't make out what she was saying but she seemed really angry and though quite a distance from me, kept on pointing at me in the cab. I figured she had probably been chasing me since she saw me, the locked gate must have bought me time to get ahead properly. The cab man drove off as I settled into the cab. I realised there was a hurt in my leg, i must have fucked up my ankle from jumping off the fence so suddenly.
Then finally like a sudden wind it came to me and i said aloud, "Vincent, his name is Vincent" not talking to anyone in particular. The cab man turned probably not haven't picked up what I said "Wetin be that madam?" He asked and leaned his head towards me, "Oga nothing oo.. nothing" I replied as the events of that morning replayed in my head and I burst into a wild laugh.
The events of the previous night came back to me too. I had met Vincent at a bar around school, I stepped into alone, determined to get some fun out of the last Sunday night, I had followed him home out of curiosity and thirst for adventure and here I was. I gave another laugh as i noticed the cab driver watching me through the rear view mirror probably wondering if he just lifted a mad person. I have never done anything like this in my life. Probably wouldn't again, but this only one has definitely been memorable.
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